Date: 30th of March 2008
Hares: Sixties Throw Back & Benny Hill
Author: Sister Belinda
Special Event: Changing of the time
Well, after every free newspaper (and probably also every not free newspaper) in Madrid had warned us about the changing of the time, and Tight Fit had confirmed this by email, it was pretty clear to me that this Sunday morning at 11am it was actually midday!
After shortening my night by an hour, I went on my way to Larry’s.
When I was nearly there, I ran into John (than still) no-name who was going to get a coffee at Rodilla. He asked me how I was doing and if I was going to the Hash…. Well what else would I be doing in my Madrid HHH trousers and top on a Sunday morning close to midday around the corner from Larry’s bar??…. I’d expected some better conversation from the guy who leaves other hashers girl-less…. But hey… this was before he had his coffee…hahaha! (Don’t ask him if he ever got his warm beverage….!!)
When we arrived at Larry’s it turned out that Tight Fit had to make some emergency transport calls, in order to get everybody to the hash site. Eventually we were ready to go and whilst enjoying his good taste in music, Rat with a snatch drove us to the hash site close to Chinchon.
Whilst in the car Bendy Legs wondered where Ginga Ninja was and decided to give her a call, to find out that despite all the notifications mentioned above, she’d forgotten to put her clock forward. That information made some hashers wonder if this could also be the explanation for the absence of Hanky Wanky….
Apart from Ginga Ninja also Floppy 5 Skin only went hashing in his dreams.
When we arrived at the site, we were ‘pleasantly’ surprised to see a Ranger in busy conversation with Benny Hill. Some of us were hoping they could quickly agree when they would go out on a date, as her presence prevented some bush-hunting!
When she’d left we could then form the circle and listen to the instructions for the hash!
Before setting off Benny Hill informed us to look out for Mad Bitches Ahead (MBA) on the track, which later were MP3-induced ignored by On-On Bea, so that Von Lostwaffen could show his wingman skills and bring her back to the trail (2x!!).
The distance of the run was as long as a piece of string and the weather was (thank God!!) a lot better and stabile than last week!
Shortly after take off there was already some confusion as where the hares were taking us, but thanks to some Front Running Bastards (FRB’s) we were soon on our way. A practice that was repeated many times between the start and the finish of the hash. When the FRB’s had found the trail back, the Middle RB’s and Back RB’s checked out their Short Cutting Bastards (SCB’s) skills, in order to catch up with the FRB’s asap. Later to be a topic in the circle as denying you short-cut is pointless (according to Perv this trail was perfect for it!) and doing it whilst running through crops is prohibited!!
But even if you simply stick to the track, that’s still not tough enough for some…. When I was puffing and sighing my way on the hash route (sorry I’m not a FRB!) miss Alicia no-name thought this was the moment to stick her ass out to me in order to slow me down…
Shrinking Dick saw this and commented that in this case it might have a slowing down effect, but she should maybe not do this towards a male hasher as he would possibly hit her ass, in stead of leaving it untouched as I did!
She said therefore only to do this to friends, and that I could hit her ass anytime…
Just in case, I then explained her that in my vocab dikes are sort of hills made out of sand, to protect The Netherlands from the sea! For any other explanation I’m the wrong girl J
Whilst this conversation was going on, we all got stuck on a falls trail and had to make our way back. Shortly after the sweet voice of Rat with a snatch guided us the way.
Then there were a few more hilly forest roads to follow, and where I thought we still had a fair bit to go, after a few turns, I saw the delightful OOB sign! With an instant smile on my face I ran the last hundred meters of the trail, so that when back at the car park I could enjoy a refreshing warm beer!
After the last hashers arrived back at the car park the circle was formed and the run was rated. Many comments varying from “short” till “controversial” were made and the average of points came down to an 8.9!
After this the new comers were called into the circle:
· Zakkhan no-name
· Cardinal Sin, who hashed before in the USA and the Middle East
· Shrinking Dick, who hashed in Argentina
· Sandra no-name, who’s recent birthday party at Larry’s was invaded by drunk gourmet-hashers.
Once they were introduced to all of us, Tight Fit asked the female newcomers: “Was it long enough?, Was it hard enough? And will you come again?” Let’s hope they will!
Now that we knew the newcomers, it was the turn to the returnees to get a beer and make their way into the circle. This week they were Young Shakespeare, Sad Bastard and Florencia no-name. The last one, moved from Alcala to Madrid, only to be able to hash! On-On!!
Then it was time for the real excitement of the day!! The striptease of Hot Lips!! She was called into the circle as she’s ran her 250th (!!) run today!! On-On!! Congratulations to Hot Lips!! It was only surprising that after soooo many runs, she still didn’t seem to know how to drink her beer…. J
And she won’t be able to have an other practice as this coming Friday she’s got a job at night.
And then it was the moment for Tight –warm beer- Fit to get into the circle! No need to say he had to drink his own brew… which he rated with some 4-letter word of ‘joy’…
After which he had to drink an other one with Von Lostwaffen for muttering about hiding behind trees.
Sir Sir James had to drink a beer for being a ‘cad and a bounder’ and Benny Hill was to follow his example for being a ‘pillock’… as these words are not in my dictionary, I can only come to the following conclusion: they are either words of caress or I’ve got a poor dictionary…
Before more excitement was thrown at us, it was time for a biology class… that’s to say… had professor Sad Bastard remembered what an animal is called that reproduces itself…. Wanker was suggested…
And then it was the moment we’ve all been waiting for!! Sorry Charlie no-name you were not here! As it was John no-name‘s turn to be baptized. Before this happened it was announced this guy has no less than 150 (yes 150, this is NO typo!) pictures of himself on Facebook!! Which made Alien Sex wonder of which body parts….
Then a short what-to-name-him discussion took place, by which Sir Sir James made Rat with a snatch literately role over the ground when suggesting to call him ‘Chew chew chew’. And when covered in the best part of a kilo of flower he looked a lot like Snow white, but as that would be wayyyy to sweet, John no-name’s name from now on will be Cock blocker!
Then it was time for the trophies of the week:
This was Mark 4’s moment to pass the prick on to somebody else! (Note: He didn’t get it himself this week!!) After he apparently had a 10 minute heated debate with JUST IN (On request written in capitals!) before the circle, in which JUST IN denied his short cutting, the moment had now arrived that Mark 4 could pass the prick on to JUST IN.
Von Lostwaffen ran the hash with the Tits this week and suggested to pass them to Cardinal Sin next week, but should she not be there next week, he’d pass them to Alicia no-name, as according to him “she never had anything”.
For the Shit of the week there were the following candidates:
Benny Hill (why?), Rosa no-name because Perv had a hangover the day after her piano recital, Cock blocker (suggested to be Shit of the month/year) for the obvious, Tight Fit for today’s refreshing beers.
It was a tight finish between CB and TF, but the last one was crowned with the toilet seat!
The circle was closed with “Swing Low” and after Perv nearly killed Musica’s dog on his way out of the car park we were on our way to the restaurant. When we got there Perv was more than 100Km away from home… which made him come to the conclusion that this was officially an Away-Weekend.
Despite the discussion of what is rare, medium and well done, I’d like to draw the conclusion that the food at the restaurant was delicious and from a vegetarian point of view by far the best meal I’ve enjoyed since I joined the hash! On-On!!
During the meal we found out about Rat with a snatch’s pet-hate, that On-On Bea is a lasher and that Cock blocker is not only a c. blocker, but also a c. dodger.
The turn up at Larry’s after the hash was rather poor… when then the conversation turned from dangerous driving and phone-popularity at 5am to pearl necklaces and condoms I decided to call it a day! After all I had a Bull Sheet to write!
I hope this will keep you busy until I can talk to you all again in person after my holidays in the UK! But no worries on the 20th I’ll be back!
Missing you all already…
On On!!
Sister Belinda
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